Behold: The snarkiest thing I've ever read on the internet, a piece by Wendy Molyneux over at the Rumpus.
And so I did that. I tried on all my clothes, and I felt better until I tried on one pair of pants that didn’t fit me anymore. And then I totally started to cry again, because I am so fat. I cried for a little while on the floor while my cats crawled all over me, purring and being symbols of how lonely I am. My cats love to be symbols of my loneliness. Sometimes, I have to be like, “Stop signifying so loudly guys, I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy!”
Oh well, Jon. At least you're being made into a feature film starring Jack Black.